Did You Know . . . ?

Did you know that I struggle with depression? If you did, did you know that I have struggled with depression for as long as I can remember? Did you know that everyday for as long as I can remember I would wake up and put on a happy face for everyone? I have been told by several people that I am the happiest person they've ever me. I'm sorry to hurt your image of me but I have never been truly happy.

Did you know that when I was younger and with a group of friend I was so scared that if I went to the bathroom alone that I would come out and everybody would be gone? I wouldn't go to the bathroom alone because I knew that if I took anybody else with me then they wouldn't leave. Did you know that I stayed inside everyday during recess to help my teacher in the classroom because I would rather do that then go outside and feel alone until the bell rang? Did you know that for most of my life I have felt completely alone? I may be with people but I've never really been part of a group. I've always been on the outside.

Did you know that I used to hate seeing my cousins because I knew that it would come with being made fun of? Did you know that I was called names by several people that hurt? I was made fun of for my acne and I have been called annoying and many other hurtful things. To this day I still feel like I am a burden on everybody and I am just that annoying girl that nobody wants to listen to talk and they wish she would just go away. Did you know that whenever I tried to tell an adult about being called names they would tell me to grow up and suck it up? They never actually did anything to stop it.

Did you know that I was dumped because I wasn't pretty enough or good enough for him? Since that day I haven't felt good enough for anybody. Did you know that I have never felt like anybodies first choice? I have always felt 2nd to everything. Everybody always had that person that they would rather be with than me. Did you know that I have spent many nights crying myself to sleep after spending the day by myself knowing that everybody else was out having fun and nobody thought to invite me.

Did you know that I am also not crying out for attention right now? Sometimes you just need to get things out there in front of everybody before you explode. Did you know that I hate being treated like I'm fragile? I'm not going to break. I don't need sympathy and I don't need to be criticized. Depression is an illness not a choice, please try to remember that.